Thursday, August 4, 2011

Things you can learn from the departed

Since I lost one of my best friends to three months ago, I have learned a thing or two about the current relationships I have with people. Personally, I sometimes grapple with holding grudges. It's not worth it. You will never know how important it is to let the petty shit go when somebody close to you dies. If you focus on how a person has hurt you in the past, and it is over something that in the grand scheme of things only matters in your own world, your life is not that bad. After all, in most cases, pain is not inflicted intentionally. I had some unresolved feelings that I had grappled with before I visited Frank's grave yesterday. I said my piece and got mostly everything I wanted to say out of me. I did not lose my composure; nor did I want to. I have also done my best to not live life with regrets. I have learned to just walk away from my guilt. This in turn has made me feel less misanthropic in the past.

For meditations, I recommend a book by Yehuda Berg called The 72 Names of God. One of the meditations in that book deals with alleviating the evil eye we may give people who have wronged us. In times like that, we need to release these people from our lives and stop holding grudges. On a related note, there is a ritual you can perform if somebody in your life has malice aforethought against you. Write the name of the person who possesses an unhealthy power over you three times on a piece of paper. I recommend the full name. Also, once you have the name written in triplicate, tear up the paper into small pieces and throw them either directly in the freezer or in a small bag you can keep in the freezer. This freezes the harm that this person can do to you. However, only perform this ritual if somebody has cruel intentions against you. Arguments over boyfriends and girlfriends won't cut it.

The last important thing to remember is to treasure the memories you had with this person. Whether you had a consistently good rapport, a rocky rapport, or a broken rapport that is beyond repair, do not take the memories you shared with the person for granted. You just never know when you will lose somebody and you never know how you will be affected when they die. Just remember: don't hold on to painful memories. Find some way to release harmful forces from your life. Your soul will reward you in the end with God working through you and others so that you can foster some healthier connections.

Frank and I have had some strains in our friendship in the past, but I regret nothing now. When I think about it, I could have very well been as powerless over helping him as he was powerless over his alcoholism. I cannot blame myself for not being more attentive to getting him to quit drinking. Truth be told, he gave up. I have accepted the fact that I can't give up this fight to stay healthy and alive. I have too much to live for.

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